Realness and Community: Who Are We, Beyond Our Dance Level?

Often I see dancers at Tango events seated; paralyzed; restless within.

Don’t we all yearn for others to know and appreciate who we are ? Who we are is so much more than our current level of Tango skill.

I think people who have made socializing through Tango part of their life participate in a truly great and powerful movement toward beautiful community. And yet, the frame of a Tango event is limiting. The seating, the narrow focus on dancing, puts blinders on us. It may lead us to judge ourselves and others based only on Tango abilities.

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Microendings

Fifth Article in It Takes One to Tango Series

by Mitra Martin

A dancer friend of mine once taught me about phrase endings in Tango.

He and I aren’t friends anymore.

***

I am terrified of endings. I know that whatever the ending, I will terrorize myself with guilt that it was my fault. That I didn’t find the potential in the situation.

How can we go fearlessly into that end? I think learning this will be part of my life’s work. There is something about the end that is beautiful. A shape...a little stretch, almost is it a pose? A salute, sincerely-felt gratitude. An extra squeezing-out of life. A sudden gap, a shock, a shakeup followed by an arena of mental space.

 

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Pei Pei's Thoughts After One Year of Tango Shoe Buying

by Pei Pei Tan

We get asked a lot of questions about tango shoes. This little article is not meant to be exhaustive, but it’s meant to give you some guidance on what to consider and what might fit your new tango identity.

I recommend going to WorldTone and ask to start out with a stacked heel. I never, ever wore high heels before dancing tango; I always wore really “comfortable looking shoes that made my feet look like freshly baked loaves of bread,” or I wore Birkenstocks. So, for you ladies who protest “But I don’t wear high heels!”—if I can do it, so can you.

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10 Points of Common Sense in the Tango World

We are a community. That means we can help take care of each other. Photo by Andrei Andreev

We are a community. That means we can help take care of each other. Photo by Andrei Andreev

We just want to remind you that while we work very hard at O2 to build a supportive and safe community - and we are proud of the community we have - we encourage you to use common sense as you explore your new Tango connections.

  1. Invest in new friendships before deciding to be alone with someone (walking to car, getting a ride, practicing, etc.). Make sure they are good, trustworthy friends through consistently respectful interactions in groups in a variety of contexts.
  2. Be nice. Don’t be unkind. You’re a member of a community now, which means that unkind, crude, or cruel behavior will be shared and known as we work to protect each other.
  3. Talking with each other to make sense of our personal experiences of interacting with others is an important activity that helps us make sense of the world. Celebrate and share the wonderful things you witness people doing. Spreading hearsay about others - information that is not part of your own personal experience -  is something that should only be undertaken with seriousness, introspection, and consideration.
  4. Just because someone can dance the Tango nicely doesn’t mean they are necessarily someone you want to be alone with. They need to earn your trust, like they would outside of Tango, say, if you met them in a bar.
  5. Just because you can dance the Tango nicely doesn’t mean you are someone that someone should want to be alone with. You need to earn their trust by being cool and together, responsible and sensitive, off the dance floor too.
  6. Drinking can interfere with great Tango. Drinking can make you more vulnerable. If you plan to drink, plan also to stay close to trusted friends throughout the evening.
  7. If someone or something feels “weird” or “off” - either in their dancing or in the way they interact - then do not spend time alone with them.
  8. Tango can be a beautiful way to connect with healthy sensuality and sexual energy, and to meet wonderful friends and partners you might explore the nuances of human relationship with. It can add an incredible dimension to a friendship, flirtation, or relationship. But just because you love someone doesn't mean it will always be easy to Tango with them!
  9. IMHO, the BEST dancers are the NICEST people. Respectful, trustworthy, passionate, caring, sensitive, kind, devoted, loving, consistent, persistent, committed, AND sexy. But, that doesn’t mean that just because you’ve had the nicest dance of YOUR life with someone that they are a saint.
  10. If you have problems, like alcoholism or depression, get help. There are resources out there for you. Get to an Alcoholics Anonymous or a low cost University-based counseling center. Google it. Now! Your healing is your responsibility, and you can do it.

Boundary-setting is not just an issue within Tango, but an issue within society at large. But, because Tango can open people up it might make us more trusting and vulnerable, so we think it’s our job to try and help keep you safe, as much as we can! Love, Oxygen

P.S., Although we hope we never need to, we do have the right to refuse anyone admittance to O2T classes, practicas or milongas.

One Possible Reason Why You’re Not Dancing As Much As You Want

Fourth Article in It Takes One to Tango Series

by Mitra Martin

Did you ever throw your bicycle at someone because you were mad they didn’t dance with you?
I did.

There was a time in my life when I was one frustrated Tango girl. I thought I was better than I was. Way better. (Still do, haha.)

I would go to festivals and have these amazing, unearthly, peak-experiences which made me think I was a rockstar. And it felt so unjust that weekend after weekend, the nice leaders in my own community would look past my eyes.

Once I had a friend who needed a place to stay, so we offered him the couch for a few days. A nice dancer friend. And so that weekend, we went out to the milonga together. Man, did I want to dance. I was all ready to dance. I was so excited to dance. My body wanted to dance, my mind wanted to dance, my soul wanted to dance. Everything felt like dance.

But, I didn’t dance. I just sat there. Like, the whole damn night.

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