New Skills for Conscious Community: How Non-Violent Communication Can Help

BOOK REVIEW BY MITRA MARTIN

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg, Ph. D. 

If you have ever found yourself saying, even just inside yourself, let’s say, while scrolling through the Facebook, “These people are SO annoying.” “I can’t stand her.” or just sighing, "Man." Or if you ever find yourself plotting microrevenge, “I won’t invite them again” or whatever...you need this book.

Here are some situations - on and off the dance floor - where what I learned from reading this book helps me find more peace: 

• When I am sad or scared - learning how to give myself empathy

• When I am with someone who is upset - learning how to give empathy in a constructive way

• When I am stressed out and working with someone who is stressed out - learning new patterns to replace reactive or resisting ones

• When I am feeling happy about something - learning how to appreciate without being manipulative

Those things happen almost every day, especially when we are living and working as part of an active, dynamic, growing, changing community! So I find plenty of times to practice and plenty of times to be grateful for what I'm learning here. 

Reading this book helped me realized how tricky language is, and how easy it is to unwittingly commit microviolences that make life more of a bummer than it needs to be. It doesn’t have to. All we need to do is to learn.

The book's incredibly user-friendly, too. It has excellent summaries and pithy callouts, it has useful reference lists and even very challenging self-quizzes! The writing is clear and humble and enriched by Rosenberg’s personal experiences generously shared. There are transcripts of actual conversation between people, with commentary, that are revelatory and really easy to relate to.

I am so grateful for the tremendous introspective work of Marshall Rosenberg, expressed in this book; for his calm and lucid writings and the recordings of his workshops and lectures; for the gentle force of his vision now expressed in organizations founded through and through on the pillars of peace and freedom, on the basic idea finding ways to get everyone’s needs met. He died last month. I think humanity has no idea yet how much he contributed to its possibility for success. 

NVC is not just about words. It’s about kindling the underlying feeling, the mood of peace, stillness, and a true devotion to finding creative ways to serve everyone. And that’s actually more important than whatever words you say. Sometimes, it’s about learning that voicing your inner experiences of others is more functional than keeping it all inside. 

Fundamentally, I believe it is about enlarging your heart - a truly deep project - so that you can function creatively even when you’re really stressed on the inside. I hope this book will inspire you. Love, Mitra

A Truly Superlative Activity for Dissolving Your Stress in LA: Argentine Tango

We, the people of LA. We are powerful. We are creative. We are driving and parking and social networking. We are...stressed. A little bit. Maybe. But, hey, we're managing it. 

I have learned some things about the stress of us people of Los Angeles.

1. Most Angelenos are more stressed than they want to be, BUT
2. We have two favorite stress management techniques: Listening to music, and exercise or walking
3. But, we mostly do not manage our stress as effectively as we wish we did. Sadface. Source: American Psychological Association

Ah, if only we could do more listening to music, and walking, how stress-free we would be. Wait a second, what's that? Listening to music and walking? Why, that sounds like...wait for it...Argentine Tango!

What’s cool is that Tango even throws in for good measure an extra helping of hugs, which are also highly stress relieving!

How Tango Reduces Stress.

1. Hugs. We Need Hugs! I won’t bore you with all the scientific oxytocin neuropeptide business, you can look it up. Hugs are healthy. And where else are 3-minute-long hugs socially acceptable? Look no farther than your local Tango community!
2. Walking, Lots of Walking. Again, the health benefits of just plain walking have been pretty convincingly demonstrated by modern medicine. Walking is low impact, relaxing, connecting, rhythmic. And how much nicer that in Tango you can walk all those miles - in circles, while embracing a friend?
3. Awesome Music. Tango music is heralded as the new world music. Blending together elements of European classical music and African tribal music in a completely unique flavor, it is powerful yet soothing, driving yet intricate, passionate yet still. There’s nothing like it. Come immerse yourself in a truly mood-altering music.

So that’s it, and I feel I would be remiss if I did not encourage you to check out your local Tango community today. There's Tango all over freakin' LA - find a beginner class, maybe here at Oxygen Tango! Do it for your health. If you’re happier and a little less stressed, your and everyone’s day might become a little sunnier. Happyface. Love, Oxygen